When someone special passes away…
When someone that we loved passes… it causes our whole world to come tumbling down around us. Everyone experiences grief in their own personal way. There is no typical journey; no fixed length of time and no set pattern to the emotions we feel. When our best friend, mother, father, sibling dies… it can be hard to catch our breath.
- Why have they been taken?
- I am never going to see them again.
- I had so much to say to them…
Cry… all you want to do is cry. Allow yourself time to cry. Allow yourself bad days. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t bottle up your emotions. If you feel like crying… cry your eyes out. If you are angry, scream the house down.
Feeling faint and sick; finding it hard to get our breath… and after the immediate physical reactions have worn off – we experience disbelief or find it hard to grasp the fact that we are never going to see them again. That is how I felt when losing both my parents. Tears come from nowhere when we least expect them…
Our living days seem like a dream… we so want to wake up and discover that the person we have lost has not died at all.
When I dream about my best friend Julia who died at the age of 40… I ask her if she is okay now… and she says that she still has cancer; but she is learning to live with it. I feel that I should do more and that I need to spend more time with her.
Guilt is a destructive and wasted emotion… don’t harbour it; let it go. It will get you nowhere.
We may feel there was more we could have done or something we should have said. The ‘if onlys’ can play constantly in our head. We just want them back…
As time moves forward without them in our lives….our thoughts turn to anger. Anger that our loved one has left us. ‘How could they do this to me?’ Anger may be focused on the medical staff who failed to save them; if they died in an accident… on those who caused the incident. If religious… we may blame God.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve… everyone has their own way of coping with loss. Don’t cut yourself off from others. Accept their help and support.
Time is a healer… an old adage, but true. Although will never completely overcome losing someone who was your whole world; your best friend; your life… You can…with strength come to terms with it. It may not seem possible immediately, but you will reach a point where you feel you are able to get on with your life again and that there is a future to look forward to. They loved us… and don’t want us to be forever sad. They want us to laugh and be happy.
Yesterday was the first anniversary of my dear friend Daphna dying. Friends posted on Facebook. Her children are heart sore for her every day. A special mother; a special wife and friend… a truly amazing and witty lady. I miss you every day.
I believe they are with us… looking down on us. I believe that they are now doing what they love… tending a garden; sitting on a beach; walking in meadows; stalking the England Cricket Team!
Dedicated to Daphna, Julia, Elaine and Angie.